|
| Loving one part of my life, but hating the other part of it. Mixed emotions are just running through my head. I think i just miss the way things used to be. Someone part of my life that is. Everyone in my life has some significant other, but i chose not to have a significant other. pretty upsetting actually. Sitting here on my computer, On fourth of july, looking at peoples myspaces and facebooks wondering when its my turn to fully move on with my life. Everyone else is with thier significant other watching fire works and enjoying each others company. Well, im just not ready to move into a relationship. I dont want things to end up the way they did, my last relationship that is. Im not ready to cry or get hurt over anyone . I need more time to myself, and i need to grow up. Thats all. I need time. I still need time to let go of my past. I tend to have a hard time letting go of my past. Ive always been like that. And till now, im still learning of ways to fully cope with this unfortunate problem of mine.But its okay, each day im getting there. But its only in time that can tell. Since i have such a hard time letting go of the past, i tend to bring it along with my future. For instance all my friends from my elementary school, are still close friends of mine. These people are my bestfriends and they always will be. I will wilingly take a bullet for these friends in my current life. They have loved me at my worst, and been there with me at my best. But i have two friends from my high school that completley left my life . My last few years attending murrieta valley high, I had met two awesone people who i call tortuga and munky. Theres no need for real names, so i will refer to these two people by thier nicknames. Eventhough we had many downs, the ups outpowered my pain with them. i can recall one memory that made me realize how important this frienship meant to me and it all ended with one summer day at newport beach. It was a perfect and amazing day with my two bestfriends at the time. Laughing, smiling, dancing, eating, swiming, and unfortunate crying at the end. On the way home from the beach, munky and i got into an argument, over something really stupid, i really cant remember what we were arguing about but to explain our arguments, our arguments usually starts with yelling, hearts being poured out, and ends with billions of unneccisary tears. So By the time we got half way home, tortuga starts yelling at the both of us, and while shes yelling at the both of us, i start to see tears run down her face. More and more tears fall each time she opens her mouth to say something. Suddenly, my heart stopped, and thats when i realized how important this friendship meant to me. I will never let the memory of them fade, but its time to let it all go. I will never know when i will be able to let it all go. But my heart cant keep breaking this way anymore. Anyways, to end the story, munky and i stop yelling to hear tortuga speak, and tortuga pours her heart out to us about everything in our life together. We parked and talked about everything. All of us crying. and i wont forget that night. That was the last night the three of us were ever together. its sad, when we finally let all our emotions out like that for each other had to be the last time i got to see them both. I havent seen these two girls since. Its been about a year and a few months, and its amazing how my heart still seeks for thier friendship back. I made many mistakes at the time, and i now i see why they left me. someone once told me, important people in our lives are sopposed to leave us because there will be someone else thats sopposed to come into our lives. Someone better, and someone we can love more. It just hurts, thats all. So i learned to change to win them back, but the result to change was all for me. And i am now a better person. Im still working on a better lifestyle but this time its all for me. Time is the only thing that will help me. And as time passes, im building a strong future, so when i do meet the right person in my life, my life can only get better. Just one day, i hope for this friendship i had lost to come back with an open heart and accept me for the changes i made. I love you guys and i always will. lyssa d | | |
| today is going good. Good as planned. Theres so much on my mind and its okay. Today at work a co worker and i got into a little argument about girls and guys. haha man i swear. i feel bad for this fool. He keeps looking for a girlfriend but he an ass. And he always blames the girls and he always thinks its the girls fault. He is just ignorant and he needs to grow up. Personally i think he needs to. I mean there is a point in time where everyone has been through that stage, but hes over twenty five now. And all he does is complain about his life and he admits that hes lazy. i dont know. there was a lot of things in my life i had to lose in order for me to realize what i did wrong and what i was doing with my life. I just hope one day, for my co worker, he will change and he will learn that relationships are about compromise its not always what you want but its doing something for the ones you love, which you should want. I dont know. I really shouldnt be talking. I havent been in a relationship in over a year now. It seems so long ago, but i can recall the pain as if it was just yesterday. Its about time to move on in my life, and im getting there. each day is a new memory, a new life, a better life. I really like xanga, haha i really dont have that much friends anymore. The friends that have been with me through thick and thin will remain in my life forever, but now in this time in life everyone is just getting situated and all around me, everyone is growing up. Lucky for those who get to enjoy the company of growing up with a significant other, i get to change and develop on my own. Im not complainning im just stating my status in life. haha i am actually really happy where life has taken me. My fate has taken me down many courses, both up and down, but this one, i really like this one. My life is gunna stay chill for the split moment, then race off in the next few weeks. lol. my birthday is coming up. Which is a major plus for both me and my sister. I already got my birthday presents too. I got a new lap top and an electric acoustic guitar. amazing huh? yeah, thats what i said. I must have been a good kid so far this year. Ill try and keep it up. But i am seriously happy for my future life. In the current postion of my life style as of now, i go to the gym, school, work, homework, catch up, and sleep. Then once a while i will go out on friday nights and then go out saturday nights. But i am enjoying my lifestyle. No one tying me down, no strings attatched, and definatley no one telling me what to do. I like doing my own thing. The other day i was talking to one of my bestfriend donna bella, she told me that before i get into my next relationship i need to mature. She meant it in a good way though. She meant that i need to be able to be fexible in my life and allow someone else to take charge, not just always me. And shes right. It just goes to show that i shouldnt be in a realationship. Unfortunatly i have a bad outlook on relationships, but its only because i was hurt so bad. But its okay. Time will come again for me, and im not afaid. Im positive it will come when i know im ready. No worries. and as of now, enjoy life, make the best of it. And be the best i can be. this world is way to short. So i better be the best i can be, and soon meet the mr.right of my life. Then thats for sure ill know when my life truley begins. | | |
|  ima start using xanga again. Looking at this gives me so many good memories of my past. And now a days this is the only way i can vent out. myspace and facebook seems more for the pictures and contact with people, and right now in my life, i just need a vent. Ill try and write in this more often. i sayd that so many times before, but for reals ill start using this again lol. Ima post up pictures from my way past and this will be my memories from middle school and my freshmen year of high school. Then my myspace will be from sophmore year to first year in college. And facebook will be my second year of college and so fourth lol. well heres a good picture to start out
| | |
| iM gunna staRt uPdaTing thiS xanga.. righT NOW I thInK Its BetTEr I righT in thiS oNe.. mYspacE iS more of a sOcaIl thIng aND aS for xaNga>. ITs More aBout PosT fEeLings.. aND thatS whaT i need noW.. im Not reaLLie in thE Mood foR socaIlizIng toO Much.. ThatS whaT I Use thE phOne foR YEnno?? yeaH.. aNyways.. IVE been Kinda heaRtBroKen latlEy.. YEah i Kno Its a nOrmaL thIng.. bUT NOw Im strong Enough Not to dweLl on issUes LIke thiS.. Just keep moviNg on.. thats aLl i caN dO.. i cANt changE It.. Well this MornIng I waTchEd thiS fiLiPiNo MoviE aNd It waS so goOd.. why Of coUrsE It made ME cRy.. I LovE filIpino Movies.. Im pRoUd Of my cUlture.. haha.. yeaH.. welL i aLso charGEd My ipOd todaE.. i meaN.. I LovE IT.. i constaNtly uSe It Now.. thEn i did laUndaRy.. did thE dishes.. cleaNed My roOm .. cleaN thE bathrooM.. you Kno LiKe a normaL aSiaN doEs.. aLwaYs cleaNiNg.. tHaTS WhaT We dO.. clean cLean cleaN.. thEn i decided to go on thE IntErnet.. and LooK whErE I eNded up on.. xaNga>. yeaH.. well i thinK Ill staRt pOstiNg up Pics agaIn.. thEY maDe ME haPpy.. welL back to mY lifE.. aND fUrthEr aWaY fROm My dreaM.. peace.. | | |
| TodaE IS ocT.24.o5 and i dEcIded to wRite In My xaNga bEcaUSe I rEcENtly fElt thE wIll tO dO so.. WeLl, acTuaLly lOOkiNg aT dOnNA aND biaNcaS xaNga sIte, gaVE ME thE waNt tO do sO.. iN othEr wORds, it jusT reminded ME oF fReShmEn YEar.. I dOnt Kno why I KeeP going baCk to thiS sUbjEcT, iT jusT sEeMS my heaRt waNts tO staY thErE.. aND IF i haD A chaNcE, i wouLD lEt IT staY thErE foReVEr.. ITs wHErE mY tRue heaRt deSire.. ITs QUite sad, bUt I leaRned To cope, aND TRY to MovE On. iN wHicH haSnT beEn doiNG to wEll wiTh mE, bUT evEryONe elSe haS aND shoULd I. weLl i deCidEd to wRite in thIS tO aCTuaLly GEt some fEelInGs oUT.. thErEs Not mUch.. bUT i jUSt realLIE miSS donnA anD BiaNca>. Its haRd not beIng aBle to sEe thEm OR taLk to thEm thE way i UsEd tO, BUt I UndersTaNd ItS whErE oUR faTe waNTs tO bRiNg US.. I triEd fighTiNg wiTh My faTE But ITs Not Up to mE.. iTs Up to THEm.. wEll i havEnt BEen doing Too wElL in sChOol eiTheR.. i couLD saY this IS a reaSon wHy.. buT i can alSo saY.. ITs aLl Just mE.. weLl.. i goTta maKE thEsE things shorteR.. i dont need To tEll thE worlD eVErythING.. jUSt thE maIn issUes In my lifE.. wEll.. hOpefully Ill wRite In this toMorroW.. so YEah.. peaCe.. anD mahal fRm lyss | | |
|
|
